A look at those ‘difficult’ feelings in a Love Relationship

Checking out those ‘difficult’ feelings in that all-important intimate relationship that makes you boil inside out!  – a love gift to yourself and your significant other?

This may or not come as a surprise to you, for everyone have their own expectations and ideas when it comes relationships!

What is your ‘ideal’ relationship?

What do you want to happen in your relationships?

Now you may be surprised, shocked, or cry out in disbelief to what am about to challenge you with!

The ‘ideal’ relationship doesn’t actually exist, or does it? It is a fantasy.  This is different from what you desire, dream of, or want to happen in your relationship.  However, the human feeling of anger is very real, and when deeply investigated, you find that it takes the form of our disappointments, disagreement, and as we say in therapy it is healthy and human!  It is what you do with these feelings that matters.

The moment you ‘idealise’ a relationship, you are setting yourself up for misery.  I am not talking about the abusive, cruel actions of manipulations, control expressed in relationships.  No one, intents, nor desires this unnecessary suffering.

Here we are looking at how you are able to work with one another in kindness using empathy.  This doesn’t mean that you stop disagreeing with each other, it means that you respect each other’s point of view. I remember growing up in my household, which is a large one!  We were encouraged to express our feelings freely; anger, sadness, happy states of joy, enthusiasm. I guess as children we wore our feelings on our sleeve! Call a spade a spade affectionately. This wasn’t a problem for us, just natural. After the storm we had a good laugh about the storm – and that was that!

Our parents did their expressing with empathy, then, I had no clue what was going on, just got on with it.  The most wonderful thing that existed, and still does, is our concern for one another.  Growing up, we will disagree, be disappointed, share this with each other, however, we had this great concern and care towards each other. We still care and show kindness despite our disagreements, and disappointments!

As a therapist, I find that I encourage, clients that, it is okay to express their challenging feelings.

What do you, after your disagreements, disappointments with your significant other?  What do you do to move on, until the next time?

Do you storm out like a little girl/boy will do, or follow him/her around the house in rage, just to prove that you are right and he/she is wrong?

Do you well, sulk for days, denying each other kindness, avoid speaking to one another?

Do you have a habit of keeping scores in your intimate relationship or any other?

What can you think of ?  Yes! What are thinking and feeling now – yep !  it is a learning process as well, however, when you become aware, what do you do, to enjoy living immediately? That peace of mind of you so crave for? What do you do to live with your differing views, without being unkind to yourself.

Maybe now as you become more insightful of your habits you can accept disagreements, disappointments as part of the relationship process thing! And find a way of making up, and moving on swiftly so as to leave both to enjoy your relationship in loving kindness, without shying away from expressing those disappointments, disagreements and different points of view, without harming your love relationship!

Having disagreements, being disappointed, and having different points of view, is not a problem really, or is it? – your challenge!

Happy loving time with care, affection and loving emotional well-being!